RHOC Recap: Boogie Fights
This week on RHOC: Heather guilts Terry over not spending enough time with the family, Meghan tries to get Jim to care about his future offspring, and the sh!t hits the fan at Shannon's 70s party.
There's something about the RHOC that feels like that old friend you always know you're going to have fun with. Unlike the other housewife shows, there's no one I really hate on RHOC, so I can just sit back and enjoy. It's like watching a football game where you're not emotionally invested in either of the teams. I was disappointed in last year's cancergate, and even more annoyed that some are dragging it into this season, but tonight's episode was a glimpse of the old RHOC, in a time before Brooks weighed it down with his bad teeth and his con games.
Disclaimer: Before I get started, I should warn you I zone out every time the women talk about whether or not they forgive Vicki so I'm skipping all of that. Bottom line: Shannon and Meghan are still angry and Heather and Tamra are past it.
We start out with Shannon and David taking the kids costume shopping for the 70s party. David buys a creepy wig that Shannon thinks is quintessentially 70s, but later Kelly will tell him he looks like a pedophile. Sorry David but it does look like a pedophile wig. Or at least one of those wigs that a guy would wear when he claims to be a "director" shooting a "movie" in his apartment. Shannon explains what streaking is to her kids as if they're ESL kids at a museum of drunken American coed culture. Then Shannon tries to convince us that her family is so close her kids feel comfortable enough to ask David about how many wet dreams he's had. I'll stick with my emotionally distant family that settles for asking how each other's day was.
While Tamra and Kelly are shopping for the party we learn that Kelly is only 41 years old. She should lay off the plastic surgery. The conversation runs back to Brooks because all roads lead to Brooks. Over it.
At Heathers rental, Chef Jackie is preparing dinner. Heather gives Meghan her second IVF shot on camera and we've officially witnessed more of Meghan's attempts to get pregnant than Jim has. Meghan has gotten involved with a nonprofit called Fight CRC and will be giving a speech on colon cancer. I wonder if Jim would be able to answer a multiple choice test question about that. And Heather decides this is the season to get angry at Terry for working hard so he can's pay for that 20k SF home they're eventually moving into (By the way, they're finally moving in! Porte cochere, here we come!). My way of looking at it is this: you can either have a 20k SF house or you can have a husband who makes it home in time for dinner, but you probably can't have both. Heather and Terry used to be on the same page, but I guess she needs a storyline.
Back at Vicki's house, we experience cuteness overload with Brianna's kids. <3
On the way to the airport - yes, Jim is going away AGAIN - Jim does a horrible job pretending to care about the status of Meghan's treatments. She blames it on his being surrounded by testosterone in the locker room, but I blame it on him being a dick. Not sure what Meghan was expecting after she ended up raising his older daughter.
It's time for the party and I have to say that Vicki looks amazing. When did she lose all that weight? Something about Kelly's wig looks great too, like the long hair takes away from the work she's had done. But if she says "MC Hammered" one more time...
Shannon's party is loaded with 70s clichés, like lava lamps and pet rocks, but there's also a mix of typical college stuff like Jell-O shots and funnels. So I'm not sure whether this is a '70s party or a college throwback party. Meghan once again tries to remind us that she's young by associating the 70s with Ashton Kutcher and That 70s Show. Eddie is rocking this giant shaggy drum major wig that is sheer perfection. Heather and Terry have a boring moment where they talk about how little time he spends with the kids, and it seems completely fake. On a positive note, Heather is a great actor. Unfortunately Terry is not.
Now for the party...
Shannon invited two women named Jaci and Nina who are willing to get dirty for camera time. Jaci and Kelly know each other from an event they attended in between Kelly's two marriages to Michael. During this time, Kelly was seeing another guy, and Jaci felt the need to bring it up in front of Michael. Then, in another room, Shannon asks Jaci for details. So Jaci starts talking about it to Nina, Shannon, and Heather, but before she can give us any real dirt Kelly walks in. Nina (who sounds like Jocelyn from Love and Hip Hop) tries to tell Kelly to move along. But she gets aggressive and then calls Kelly ghetto. Then a screaming match starts and Michael accuses Shannon of not looking 70s enough, because that's relevant at all. Shannon runs to David in quite possibly one of the greatest moments in housewife history and literally tattles on Kelly and David for being mean to her. More screaming happens. Kelly says she understands why David cheated. Shannon accuses Kelly of cheating on Michael. If she did, he doesn't seem to care. Kelly keeps calling Shannon Mrs Roper the landlord from Three's Company, and I keep waiting for Meghan to pop in just so she can say, "Who's Mrs. Roper? I'm young!" Then Vicki, Kelly, and Michael leave and Vicki calls Brooks to- I just fell asleep.
After all the drama, Tamra and Shannon put on naked suits and go streaking, and Shannon mounts Heather from the back. You gotta hand it to them. The RHOC sure do know how to have a good time.
Highlight of the Week: Shannon running to David and tattling, saying "David! Michael and Kelly called me dumb!" Then she literally strings out the most incoherent sentence like a stammering four-year-old and says, "Do you understand that people- that there's people- that- that husband- that- they're being horrible to me!" It's moments like these that I'm reminded of why Shannon is the best new housewife in Bravo history.
